Thursday, February 5, 2015

Exclusive Interview with Ellen Rucker #lovethysister

He Loves Me… But Is It Enough

By Belinda Trotter James

To catch up on the prior interviews
The Rucker Sisters interview

Ione Rucker interview 

This is part three of We TV’s Love Thy Sister, the Rucker Sisters interview.  Today we will be looking into the life of the middle sister in this group… Ellen.  She is a full-time chiropractor which means she has to juggle her career and take care of her daughter Kai.  “I had a chiropractic practice for about 12 years and I had a chiropractic office in Lancaster for 11 years,” says Ellen.  “It was my own chiropractic office so it was very demanding. Recently I took a leave from my business to focus a little bit more on my daughter because I felt like I was missing out on her growing up. So this past May 2014 I closed my chiropractic office and now I work primarily from home. My daughter is nine years old now and I just felt that I had missed so much of her earlier years and even though I have a huge support system I wanted to take a step back and really focus on her.” 

One of the reasons why Ellen may have had to step back to look at her lifestyle could have been her divorce.  Ellen revealed, “I was married to my childhood sweet heart Vince Carter and we have a daughter together.  I dated my ex-husband for so long and we stayed married for such a small amount of time that I feel like I didn't have a chance to really test out marriage,” explains Ellen.  We were only married for two years and we had a baby within that time. I am ready to have a family and I am ready to make those steps again, but obviously when you've been hurt and when things happen in your life that you didn't expect it’s kind of scary and hard. Unfortunately, we as women always seem to make the next man pay for some of the things that happened in previous relationships. So you will see on the show that I go through that whole cycle of having my trust issues and having my issues of asking myself, ‘Do I want to get married again? Do I want to have more kids?’ I go through that whole cycle on the show.  I think a lot of women in my situation will be able to relate.”
 There is no question in my mind that many women will be able to relate to Ellen’s story line of trust and wanting to be married.  In searching for that answer women must understand that various degrees of challenges will start to show up in their life.  Some challenges will appear to look like a guy who may be ‘the one’.  However, you will be tested to see if you really want to be married or if you will lose faith and just settle and hope one day someone will put a ring on it.

I remember when I was in that situation. I prayed to God to send me someone who I would spend the rest of my life with so that we can build together.  A man showed up in my life and we were together for four years.  In December of the fourth year I asked my boyfriend if we should get engaged and he said, “Well, let’s wait until the summer to see what happens.”  In my mind I’m thinking, ‘The Summer!!!?!  We have been dating for four years.  If you don’t know by now then that only means that you love me but not enough to marry me.’  Before our relationship he had been dating someone for ten years.  This is important information ladies because this just means he has no intention of marrying anyone.  He will just bide his time until you get sick ‘n tired of asking him to commit fully to your relationship.

Most of the time men will not break up with you.  It will make them look like the bad guy or the user.  So they will wait for you to do the dirty, uncomfortable work of giving the ‘breakup speech’.  Needless to say, I did break up with my boyfriend within two weeks of our engagement conversation because we did not want the same things and I was not using another minute of my life to stay with him in the hopes that he will change his mind quickly.  I wanted to be a wife and if that’s not what he wanted, then it was time to terminate the relationship.  Life is too short to hope, wish, tug and push someone to do something that’s not in their heart.  I knew I made the right decision because after the breakup, he did not come after me. Ding, ding, ding!

My next prayer was to God and I said this… ‘God, I give up on selecting the right man for me.  Please find him for me.’  Long story short, God found him and one year later he asked me to marry him.  ONE YEAR!!!  Sheesh!  I said to God…. ‘One year?!  Should I?!  What do you think?!?  HE answered, “This is what you asked for and now you question me?”  LOL! Ooops!  We eloped the next year.  No tugging, no threats, no begging, no conversations… My man just knew that he loved me enough to marry me.

As we see on the show, Ellen’s boyfriend Barkari is planting all kinds of seeds in Ellen’s head on why she is not ready for marriage.  However, Barkari wants Ellen to move in with him because he wants her to be there when he gets home.  Really?!  That sounds like a wife to me.  Then he set Ellen up by taking her sister, Ione to a jewelry store to look at rings.  He knows how close the sisters are and probably knew that Ione would tell Ellen about the proposal.  Every woman who watched the show felt the pain when Ellen opened the box to find a pair of diamond earrings.  Brilliant set up by Barkari.  If he doesn’t have to buy a ring, he won’t.  Now his plan is to see how she reacts.  Will Ellen leave or will she hold on for dear life like he is the only handsome, eligible bachelor on the face of the earth.  Maybe in Barkari land he does not want to compete with Ellen’s ex-husband.

The one thing women don’t like doing is starting over again.  After we have invested years in a man, we don’t want to feel like it was a waste of time.   Anyway…. Back to Ellen….   When Ellen told Barkari that she thought he was going to propose, he said something like… “You’re not ready yet.  You have to change some of your ways and overcome your trust issues.”  AAAuuugggghhhhh!!!!  Unbelievable!  He twisted the ring off of himself and turned it around to make it seem like Ellen was the reason why the proposal did not happen.  He promised her something…. I can’t remember because I was disgusted by him leading her on.  Ellen on the other hand obediently said something like, ‘Ok, I’ll do better’.  Aaauugghhh! No Ellen! Barkari got away with not having to put a ring on it any time soon.
Ellen’s sister Ruby is on to Barkari’s tricks, however, Ellen can’t see it yet because she is in love.  This is a juicy storyline and women across America will be watching to see if Ellen really wants to marry again or will she settle to stay in a relationship and ‘hope’ one day her patience will be rewarded with a ring.  Stay tuned…

Now let’s talk about Ellen’s cute daughter, Kai…  “My daughter is so excited about being on the show,” says Ellen.  “Even though she's not one of the main characters Vince and I thought it would be best that she had just a little bit of a milder role on the show and not be too exposed. She's our only daughter together so he was really particular about that.”  Ruby added, “I think my daughter Riley is the character who will create the most conversation on the show.  She is the one that is most out front than the other children. My daughter is the one that most of the tweets are about because of the cursing on the show last week.  She continues to be a little part of each episode, but to be honest with you she is a performing artist and she likes to sing, act and dance so this is right up her alley. If you put a camera in front of her, she turns into a character. I'm not going to lie to you; I was a little apprehensive and my husband and I talked about it and we said, ‘You know what… we protect her, we guide her in the right way, we show her support and love, she has a deep faith in Christ and you know what…. let's go for it.  We are okay with it. We are okay with her being on TV at nine years old."  Ione’s children are not on the show at all and Ellen's daughter Kai is on this show very little.  Ellen added, I discussed it with her father and since he is a public figure, he didn't want her to be overexposed.”

 It’s nice for the Rucker children to get a little exposure and experience being on television.  This is something they may want to do when they grow up.  While the other Rucker children are still trying to decide, Ruby’s daughter Riley seems to have definitely made up her mind that she and the camera will be best friends for life.

This show is definitely very relatable to the issues and concerns that go on in a woman’s life.  The viewers are fortunate that we get to look into the lives of three highly successful, fabulous, educated black women.  In the case of Ellen, I know many women who have gone through the same concerns and issues and I just want to publicly thank Ellen for sharing her thoughts, feelings and concerns about her relationship on national television.  We may have our opinions, but this is Ellen’s life and if she asks her heart for the answer, she will receive an answer.

Stay tuned for Love Thy Sister every Thursday on WE TV.  Next week we will be speaking with the oldest sister of the group, Ruby.  She is the feisty one who will speak her mind and get favorable results every time.

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1 comment:

  1. Love the show and the other interviews. ..however you turned Ellen's interview into your thoughts and views.